Keepin on.

I've been so busy in the last couple weeks and even managed to squeeze in a few days vacation to my new favorite place... San Antonio, Texas! But I walked and walked so much every day and only ate meals, no snacking I lost weight! I was 150 when I left and now that I'm back home and sticking to a diet I was 144 this morning! Just checking in!

Starting Out

     So I weighed and measured myself this morning. Here are my starting stats:
Weight- 147.8 lbs.
Waist- 27.5"
Hips- 40"
Body fat- approx. 26%
 
 And I also took the liberty of taking my before picture at the gym today and here it is.... Notice, I was not smiling. This is extremely embarrassing but whatever.

     Now since that part is over I can go forward. Obviously I have problem areas. Note: just realized my hips are as wide as my shoulders! 

     I ate pretty good today. Back on myfitnesspal and finished the whole day! I realized that even when I was watching what I ate, my sugar consumption is WAY too high. Like, almost double what I should be eating. I knew this was a problem but didn't realize how bad. It's not that I'm eating cookies and cake but I eat a lot of fruit. Everything else was pretty close (except carbs) but my sugar was WAY high. So tomorrow, I am going to have a low sugar day. Instead of eating a whole apple with breakfast, I'll eat half the apple and save the other half for later! 

     The other problem, I am not eating enough carbs. I did snack a little bit today and most of those carbs came from those junk foods. So tomorrow I will get in some more carbs also! Gotta get those levels right. 

     I went to they gym and did the elliptical before the athletic training class I take. I burned approximately 650 calories at the gym and it felt good! Going again tomorrow!

     Are you trying to lose weight and be healthier too? 

That Alarming Number

     Ladies, I'm talking to you. I know I'm not supposed to live by the scale but I weigh daily. Morning and night. I don't let the number affect me as much anymore but tonight... it did. I have been floating around 145 for about 1.5 years now. Well that number fluctuates between 143-147. I don't think much of it.
     Tonight, that number read 149.2. I just stood there for a minute. So mad, so angry and so relieved I didn't see 150 on that scale. Yikes. Talk about a shocker for me! I had started my morning with adding my breakfast calories to myfitnesspal.  And then I quit. I started thinking back on what I could have eaten/drank to make my weight go up like that. It was a pretty big shocker when I realized what my calories consumed for the day was.
     Time to get back to it. Hitting it hard from now on. I can not fail and I do not want to see 150 on that scale.
     My goal is to lose at least 1 lb. a week. How many weeks? No idea. But 1 lb a week is totally doable. I'm going to plan on doing a gym athletic training class 3-4x a week, cardio 2x a week and my Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 to fill in any blanks. Who's with me? I am on myfitnesspal: kfarnham9 and will be checking in here a lot too.

Tutorial: Simple Watermark in Lightroom4

     I just learned a few days ago how to add a simple watermark onto my photo's from LR4. And believe it or not, it is super simple. So I took a few screen shots and hopefully this will help a few people out. I know that seeing it step by step for me really would have helped me out instead of watching a youtube video! Here ya go.

This is an edited picture that is unsaved, which I will be saving, watermarking and exporting.
Step 1: >File
               >Export     

Step 2: This is where you choose what file/folder you want to send the saved version of the picture to. DO NOT hit export yet. Scroll down where you will find.... 

Step 3: You've scrolled down from choosing where to export your picture to, and you're seeing the option 'watermarking'. Check it and hit the "up/down" looking button beside that option where you will find the screen that just popped up. Yours will be void of all the "KFP" options I have because I have gone in and preset mine so it's a simple click from the screen you're at now. 

     Click "Edit Watermarks..."

Step 4: Make it your own. On the right hand of the box is where you can choose font/opacity/offset... etc. Play around with it. When you have what you want, hit done and it will prompt you to save your watermark. I have mine saved as "KFP bottom left" and others I have are "KFP bottom left white". 

Step 5: Hit export and go find your newly watermarked photo in it's specified folder and enjoy! 

Hope this helped somebody out! :) Any problems or tips, just email me. I'm really new at all this! 

Thanks!

ARGHH.

     ARGHH. That is how I feel right now. I have been eating damn near close to PERFECT and exercising every day. I haven't eaten out and I haven't eaten late. I have been drinking a ton of water and cut back on caffeine a ton. I have not lost ONE pound. My pants still feel as tight(er) as they did almost a week ago. Talk about frustrating. What I wanted to do was to stuff my face. But luckily, I couldn't, because I quit buying snack foods. Thank goodness. 

     This past week I have done the Ripped in 30 a few days, took a rest day (still watched my calories) and then the elliptical today. I've been eating a lot of smoothies, salads and really limited my bread intake. Maybe I'm eating too little? I don't know. I eat when I'm hungry. I think I will start counting calories again to make sure I am getting enough. My smoothies are loaded with calories (from fruit, yogurt, whole milk, orange juice) and my salads have protein on them (turkey/ham slices, uncured pepperoni). I'm extremely frustrated. Not discouraged. I just need to figure out what I'm doing wrong and fix it. 

     Want to know something funny? I put on my jeans (they were tighter than normal because I washed them. Holllaaaa to all ya'll who wear your jeans 4 or more times before washing). Anyways, I pulled out my skinniest pair of jeans and threw them on the bed. Just to torture myself I guess. I walked out of the room and when I walked back in I immediately thought "When did I buy those pants for Jackson?". My three year old. The pants looked so small to me, that they must NOT be mine. Whoa. That really put it into perspective for me. I need to do more. I need to really figure out what's going on because I SHOULD be losing weight. At least .1 lbs. At least. And I don't need to hear some bull crap about "building muscle". Because I can't tell a difference and my pushups are still as weak as a week or more ago. 

     And what am I going to blame this on? I'm going to blame it on the lack of sleep I've been giving myself. 5-6 hours a night isn't going to cut it and I know how important sleep is when you're trying to lose weight so I'm going to bed in T-minus 10 minutes. 

      So, tomorrow I will be counting my calories. I do it on myfitnesspal.com and my username is kfarnham9. Find me and help me be accountable. And also, I'm going to start running outside again. Maybe pair it with my Ripped in 30 DVD if I'm feeling lofty. 

     Anybody else feel like you're in a rut? What do you do to get out of it?! 

     Another problem I have is with meeting new people. I am really shy and hold back. I think I mentioned that in a previous post. My daughter had her first ballet class today. I felt awkward at first in the waiting room with the other mom's but in the short 45 minutes we were there I talked with a couple of the other mom's. And in my "normal" voice. ;) You know what I'm talking about, when you talk with the lady at the bank you use a different voice than when you're talking with your husband. I tend to do that with most people when I feel uncomfortable/nervous/shy. But today, I didn't hold back and even asked questions in conversation. 

Caralee practicing the day before her dance class. She LOVES it. 

And just to be fair. Here's a sweet picture I took of Jackson today. 

     

     

Off My Wagon

139 and I am FINE WITH THAT! (yes, I wear that cardi multiple times a week)

    So, Sammy works out of town and when he comes back in town, I get out of my routine. Which is fine. I struggle for a day with not being the main boss of the house but then it's all good. But, we eat out. A lot. Because he doesn't get to eat good food at work and because we both just like to eat. And I like using his week(s) at home as an excuse to relax, go out to eat and just hang out. I definitely have the time to workout and make good decisions when he is home but I choose not to. So we go to Olive Garden at lunchtime when Jackson is at school and eat (even if I just eat a soup/salad, those damn breadsticks get to me). 

    I am gonna be real honest with ya. I am off my own wagon. I didn't just fall off, I fell off, got ran over and it left me 6 miles behind. I don't think I've stepped on the scale in days because I already know I haven't lost any weight. I haven't worked out in DAYS. I have gone to Wild Wings TWICE in like, a week. I ate chicken wings on the bone. And I love their sweet tater fries. And I eat the whole basket while I'm sipping on sweet tea. I have no shame. That place is good. 

     I have been more careful about what I eat when I know I'm not going to work out. If I know I'm going to eat out that night, I usually just eat a smoothie for breakfast and a salad for lunch and PIG OUT for dinner. When Caralee and I stopped for lunch, we split a 1/2 salad 1/2 sandwich deal. I don't know if this is me trying to justify my eating/not working out but whatever. It helps me sleep at night. Extra roll and all.
     So, now I'm ready to quit being lazy about my exercising and get back to it. HAHAHAAA <-- I actually '"lol'ed" when I thought about my goal of 133 by Valentine's Day. I am not going to be anywhere CLOSE to that. And you know what? That's okay. Not a big deal. Because I am learning to be happy with me, no matter what I look like. And being 7 lbs. over my goal is NOT the end of the world. I have been there, where all I could think about was losing weight. It consumed me and ruined many days. When I stepped on the scale and cried because it wasn't where I wanted to be. Where I was grumpy to my family because I was unhappy of my appearance. And I wish I could go back and tell myself that it is all part of the journey. There will be pauses, you will get off track and be mad because you want instant gratification. But just stop, get your fat pants on, smile and try again. You only really fail if you don't try. And pausing and getting off track is not failing. It's just part of your journey. So enjoy those hot wings, sweet tater fries and drink that sweet tea. And try again at your next meal.
     This is the first time that I have "paused" on my journey and been 100% okay with it. I don't feel like a failure. I just feel like a real person.
     So to make this short and sweet (and yes, I know you've heard this a million times), be happy with who you are. What you are at this minute is not going to change overnight, it takes time. Don't spend time being pissed about a number on a scale.
      **Confession: My biggest pig out was at a Thai Fusion restaurant. Yea, just imagine. Nom nom.

And just for funsies:

Jackson: being sweet so I will read his bedtime story

Caralee: having a pretend picnic

Sammy: my handsome hubby. :)

You can follow me on instagram: kfarnham9    for more pictures of all the cuties above. And food pictures. 

Fine

     Fine. The word fine is frustrating. Women, when you ask your husband how you look and he replies "fine".... what do you do? Me, I get back in that closet and find something else (actually, I do that anyway). Men, when you ask your wife, "honey, what's wrong?" and she replies, "nothing, I'm fine". You should know that everything is NOT FINE.
     Well today (after a night of no sleep) I looked at the mirror and said "ehh, I don't need to work-out today, I look fine." It hit me then. I don't want things to be FINE. I want them to be great and fine is just a cop out for settling for something that is less than what I can do and be. I don't want my life to be fine. I want things to be great. I want to be a great wife, mom, and person. I want to do great things. I want to be successful. I want to feel driven to do something more. I want to feel confident and not just in the way I look. But also in the person I am, who I feel like I am and things I want to do with my life. I don't know why I hold back. Ex. If I want to ask somebody to come have a playdate with the kids and I. I DON'T ASK. And then I pout to Sammy because I don't have friends. When I am around people, I hold back. I feel less than confident and it makes me awkward. When I want to approach somebody I don't know, I don't. But I want to. I mean really, if I am only worried about failing, I would be in the same boat I am in now. So I think that trying and failing would be a lot better than not trying at all. I think I could surprise myself.
     Now, I am not unhappy with my life at all. I love my life. But I know I could be more and I think that not trying will ultimately make me unhappy. I will look at the things other people do with their life and be jealous. But I don't have the right to be jealous if I haven't even tried to do it for myself.
     This applies to all areas of my life. And probably at least in one way for yours too. And if it doesn't, and you're perfect, congratulations.
     Weight-loss, when I am over-weight I will notice a fit person and feel self conscious. But when I am TRYING, I don't really notice anybody else. Because when I know I am doing what I need to do, that is all that matters and that makes me feel confident.
     My kids. When I take the time to "hear" them. When I let them feel bigger than me. When I stop being the "leader" and I let them teach me. It makes me feel good and makes them feel even better. Even if it something small like them telling me what to paint on their picture or let them chase me in the woods or smell their stinky feet. Lately I have been doing this more and it is helping everything. With Sammy away for work I sometimes fall into the roll of being extra strict. I don't like it, they don't like. Sometimes they still need that though.
     Sammy. When I quit doubting/blaming myself for little things, I realized that he didn't doubt or blame me at all. Sometimes, I do things that are annoying. *Shocking* and he calls me out on it. *I'm so glad he does!* Before I got straight with myself I would blame him because I was embarrassed about being blamed and blah blah blah, I would make nothing into a thing. Now, I still get embarrassed but instead I don't blame anybody. I think "yea, that was annoying, but that's all it was." And then we may chuckle at it and I go on about my day not thinking about it again.
     My house. I like a clean house. Not spotless. When it isn't clean, I doubt myself. When I lay down at night, I think about all I "should have" done and I get down on myself. But when I just DO IT and keep it clean, I actually have more time to surf the internet, do my crafts, go shopping, watch a movie without feeling bad at all. I currently have a load of laundry on my bed but I don't feel bad about it all. My house isn't ever "dirty", it's always just been "fine". But that is not good enough for me. It's a cop out to what I can do and what I can organize and there is always something I can do around here.
     I don't want to be perfect. I don't strive to be the best. I will mess up in one area of my life on a daily basis I'm sure. I will eat a bag of chips, knowing that the apple on the counter is better. I will hush the kids instead of listening so we can get something done quickly and efficiently and I will make nothing into a thing (even if it just for a few minutes) with Sammy. I will leave a load of laundry sitting on the couch or the bed more than once a week and I will be awkward in a crowd or when I don't want to be. But, I don't want those things to be what I feel like defines me. I want my life, my health, my kids, my relationships, my success to be more than fine. I want them to be great.


    Now if you're still with me, I will briefly say what I've done the past few days in regards to working out/eating.
Friday: I forgot my nephew's birthday party was right at my workout time. I did that work out early and went light on a small bite of cake and ice cream. Soon after though, I chowed down on some cheese puffs and doritos. Then Smarties. Yum.
Saturday: My day of rest. Took the kids to a roller skating party (FUN). Ate a piece of pizza and Caralee's crust (the best part) and then went home and ate a smoothie for dinner.

It was all fun and games until Jackson realized that he had on "little skates" and he wanted the big ones so he could go fast. Poor guy, he tried so hard to go fast and fell so many times. Ultimately, he ended up so cranky that he wasn't the best that we had to leave. It was sweet to see how hard he tried. 

Sunday: Woke up in the 130's because of my day of rest and had a good day. That evening, Caralee and Jackson wanted sandwiches for dinner. I make homemade bread and my last batch was the best ever so I figured I'd eat a sandwich (hold all the condiments and cheese) and work it off with the Ripped in 30 DVD. Then, devastation struck as my DVD player held the DVD hostage. I didn't really try to hard to get it out and did 30 minutes on the elliptical working off 375 calories.
Monday: Tired, exhausted after helping Jackson control his asthma all day and didn't "wake up" until almost 10:30. Ate a handful of this and that (read: chips, Reese Puff cereal and marshmallows).  Ate a tiny sandwich and a sweet potato. Then for dinner had a small bowl of chicken noodle soup. Then banged out that work-out on level 3. My arms are hating me right now. Still waking up at 140. Arghh. I know, it's just a number but it really annoys me. Can I just wake up and be 133 tomorrow, please.